Do you sometimes feel like you get walked over by other people, even when you feel your idea was valid? It may be down to a confidence-draining habit. No matter your credentials or confidence in your own point, there are certain behaviours that give people an impression of weakness.
Gaining the respect of those around you means working on your soft skills. Soft skills are the set of personal behaviours or attributes that allow you to get along with other people. Unlike hard skills, which can be trained and quantified, soft skills are more nuanced and require time and practice to master - if you’re like most people, and were not naturally blessed with impeccable people skills.
And while soft skills are subtle and nuanced - there are some definite behaviours that are a definite no-go. If you find yourself struggling to remain confident and respected with others, think about whether or not you’re guilty of any of the following habits - as they all have the consequence of making others lose respect for you. Identifying a bad habit is the first step towards conquering it - so take note!
1. Undermining your own ideas
Do you have a habit of beginning a pitch with “Maybe this won’t” or “I don’t know if this is a good idea”? The likelihood is, you’re afraid of sounding condescending or overconfident, and are prefacing your ideas this way as a self-defence mechanism. In reality, this only serves to weaken other people’s confidence in your ideas. If you don’t believe in what you have to say, why should anybody else? Instead of beginning your pitch from a negative standpoint, aim to flip this on its head and show confidence in the ideas you put forth.
2. Slouching
It’s no secret that only a minute part of communication is verbal. Psychologists believe that anywhere between 70 and 93 percent of communication is in fact nonverbal. This means that even if you’ve perfected your pitch in terms of the words you’ll use - a poor presentation will mean it all counting for nothing. Slouching is one of the worst physical signs you can give someone you’re trying to pitch to. When sharing an idea, confidence is key - maintaining good posture and standing up straight will project an air of confidence that wins respect.
3. Speaking too softly
Another crucial element of communication is not what you say, but how you say it. Speaking too softly gives the impression that you yourself don’t have confidence in whatever it is you’re saying. What’s more, speaking too softly hampers your social success for the simple reason that if people can’t give you a proper answer if they can’t hear what you’ve said. Speaking softly gives more confident and outspoken people the opportunity to talk over you and undermine what you have to say. Learning to speak with a strong, resolute tone will ensure that you are heard, and that people want to listen.
4. Speaking too fast
Speaking too fast is a common problem in communication that inhibits people from listening to what you have to say. When you speak too quickly, your audience misses out on the chance to hear what you have to say and properly chew on each and every idea. Taking the time to pause and offer your audience a moment for consideration is crucial to making sure your message hits home. Even if it’s the result of excitement or anxiety, speaking too quickly can unfortunately have the effect of making you seem aggressive or panicky, and be very off putting to an audience of listeners. If you find yourself struggling with talking too fast, try to take a pause every few seconds and make sure to keep a steady pace of breath. Speaking with a comfortable pace puts your audience at ease and makes them more likely to listen to what you have to say.
5. Agreeing too quickly
To you, it may be an attempt at projecting friendliness or enthusiasm to your colleagues, but in reality when you are over-eager to agree to something, it can have the unintended consequence of making people lose respect for you. When you agree too quickly to whatever other people want from you, you may quickly find yourself being walked all over. In any social setting, it’s important to maintain a strong sense of self so that you can create boundaries around what you are and are not willing to do.
6. Beating around the bush
If you have something to say, it’s best to simply say it straight. Even if you’re just trying to be polite, being indirect and beating around the bush will only make it more difficult for people to understand your point. Try to have a good feeling for exactly what you want to get across before you start speaking, to ensure that you stick to the point. When you speak directly to others, they are more likely to give you a direct answer.
Don’t shoot yourself in the proverbial foot with one of these bad habits - improve your social soft skills by tackling these social faux pas today!
